There are two different scenarios with pregnancy.
- The woman who is pregnant and excited.
- The woman who has gone through a recent miscarriage, or infertility.
As a woman who has been on both sides of this fence, I feel the need to enlighten you on both.
Here is how the pregnant friend feels:
- My friend doesn’t want me to be happy.
- I can’t talk about pregnancy symptoms at all, I may offend someone.
- I can’t talk about my baby or any of the excitement I have because I will be “bragging.”
Here is how the friend undergoing infertility or recent miscarriage feels:
- My friend is bragging and throwing her pregnancy in my face.
- Why is it so easy for her to become pregnant and not me?
- Why did you bless her with a baby right now, but took mine from me?
Both of these scenarios aren’t fair.
I have a friend who is currently pregnant and feels as though she can’t say anything about her pregnancy without getting the impression she is “bragging.” Is she bragging? Well, of course not. She is simply excited about what God is doing in her life. Why should she hide her excitement? A baby is a time of joy. It’s meant to be exciting.
On the other aspect, I have personally had a miscarriage myself and know that it is painful. Seeing your friends pregnant just rips the band-aid off again. I am sure that it is just as painful when you are going through infertility. How can I be happy when I feel so sad about this loss, or inability to conceive? Feelings are a hard thing to overcome.
There has to be a way for women not to allow the “feels” to control there relationships with other women. But how do we support both sides of the spectrum?
- Pray first. I know that is always my first response to every situation, but it is the answer. Pray that God will allow you to see the situation the way he sees it, and to show you what it is he needs you to see through the season that you’re enduring.
- We must stand firm on our foundation (Jesus). Don’t allow your pain and frustration to consume you, thats what the enemy wants. He wants us to focus on the “feelings” and not the principles of Jesus.
- Remember God is sovereign. Nothing is out of his control. You are blessed no matter which season you are in, he knows the end result. Figure out what he is teaching you in the trial. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans i have for you, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
- Speak life. Make the choice (because it is a choice) to speak life over every person who crosses your path no matter how they make you feel. Words are powerful.
Our pregnant friends who are excited have no reason not to be excited. The truth is when we do become pregnant, we too will be elated and want to share our news.
Don’t allow the enemy to steal your joy no matter which angle of these scenarios you are facing.
We all have a choice – allow the enemy to steal our joy, or allow Jesus to use our pain.
Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you a part and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”